Grumpy Grandma

Bonjour ma Cajun friends! It’s me again; opinionated columnist and general know-it-all Mrs. Nettie Mae Avec Domino.

I don’t know if y’all just excited about Mardi Gras or what, but y’all sure got a lot of problems this month, so lets geaux…

Ma first letter say…

Dear Nettie Mae,

My husband never buys me nothin for Valentine Day. How can I make him understand dat to get the love he gotta give da love? I got to feel appreciated!

Signed,

Loveless in Loreauville

Oh Loveless,

Well sha, dats none of my business, but it sounds like you got a attitude problem with ya man. I doubt he’s gonna pick up on any hints you throw at him, so let me share a little ole lady secret dats gonna get his attention. It might also cause a divorce, but it don’t sound like you got much of a marriage anyway... Ok, try this, cook ya man a grand meal for Valentine’s Day to show how much you appreciate him. Make a good bread pudding but add this special ingredient: “Karo Syrup”.  Don’t be shy—use a lot of dat. Then after the meal is over, give him a card that says this: “Tonight when you’re running to the bathroom, I hope you think about why you couldn’t run to the store to get me some flowers and a card.” That’ll learn him quick.

Feel da Love!

Nettie Mae

Letter #2 say…

Dear Nettie Mae,

I live on the parade route, how can I keep people out my yard during Mardi Gras?

~Anonymous

Buella!

I know dat’s you! I told you not to buy a house on the parade route! Dats da party people—they don’t mean no harm… But if you want to fix the problem here’s what you do. Sit on ya porch wearing your best Moomoo and hold a sign… On da front side say, “Step in my yard and I’m gonna flash you!!!.” On da backside say, “Pee on my bush and I’ll show you my tush!” TRUST ME Buella!!! Aint nobody gonna geaux in your yard again.

Nettie

Then I get…

Dear Nettie Mae,

I haven’t been to church in 43 years. Do I still have to eat seafood on Fridays during Lent?

Signed,

Meaty in Mamou

Hey big Meaty, let me guess? You single and you weigh more than 400 lbs!

Tete Dur… why you don’t want to eat seafood on Fridays? It’s delicious and it helps the fishermen.  Eat you some damn seafood and geaux back to church!  

And finally, for the six of you dat wrote to ask, “…Do I have to go to work on Leap Day?” Pauvre bête, ...of course you do couyon! Be happy you got a job!

Until next time, Au revoir y’all,

Mrs. Nettie Mae Avec Domino

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