When He Asks For Space….
May 05, 2016 03:36PM ● Published by Desk Editor
Whether you are casually dating, in a committed relationship or married; when a guy asks for space, it can feel alarming and devastating. Many questions, both rational and irrational may run through your head.
Did I do something wrong?
Does he want to break up?
Is he cheating?
Is our relationship falling apart?
You may feel like yelling or crying, demanding he tell you what’s wrong or giving an ultimatum. But, before jumping to conclusions and blowing things out of proportion, take a deep breath to compose yourself. Remind yourself that you love or may love this man. Authentic true love allows your significant other to be exactly who they are, to do exactly what they need for themselves without any demand on your part to satisfy you or your ideals.
If your guy comes to you to ask for space, that means he needs it. Men typically are straightforward and forego head games. Some also have a hard time articulating anything that has to do with feelings. As much as this may be hurting you, this is probably hard for him as well. Instead of bottling or running from his feelings, he chose to express what he needs instead. That counts for something.
There are a number of reasons he may need space that may not have anything to do with you. Some may include:
-Pressure at work is high and he needs to focus 100% in addition to getting adequate rest.
-A relationship may be new to him and he feels he is losing himself in it, thus needing more time with friends or hobbies.
-Things may be moving faster than expected and he needs time to process everything.
-If he’s married (especially with children), he may just need some quiet time alone.
-He may be dealing with some emotional baggage that needs unpacking.
The list is endless and varies with each individual. Note that he may not want to share his reason because he may not even know—that’s part of what needs to be sorted out. Constantly worrying about the reason will only drive you crazy.
So, what’s a gal to do?
You can start by thanking him for his honesty and expressing how much you appreciate him coming to you. Ask him what space looks like. Clearly defined boundaries between you two will make this a success. Agree on a timeline or on a specific date to regroup, discuss things and decide where to go from there.
Then, you must give him space. By giving him space, you will prove to be a supporting, loving partner. Many women will argue that he is only asking for space to cheat or because he wants to break up. Maybe in some cases; but in most, cheaters and guys who want to leave you—will. They won’t ask permission.
Refocus on YOU
While your significant other is focusing on taking care of his needs, you should do the same. Remove all doubt and worry and use this time to redirect your energy toward yourself. Relationships are wonderful but, they do require a lot of attention. Look at this as an opportunity for some much needed ME time. If there are any areas of your life you’ve been neglecting, now is the time to refocus on those areas. Here are a few suggestions:
Catch up with girlfriends. Make plans with your best gal pal for shopping and mani-pedis. Grab a group of girls and head to dinner and a movie. Call a long-distance pal to catch up on each other’s lives.
Hit the gym: If takeout and pizza has become the norm, hit the gym again. If you’re a regular already, try a new class or change up your routine. Getting those endorphins moving will lift your spirits and take your mind off of them.
Spend quality time with loved ones. If you’re missing your standing weekend date with your guy, invite someone in your family for a one on one date. Take your mom, dad, grandparent, kid, niece or nephew on a nice dinner date. It’ll be fun getting dressed up and you will make them feel special.
Enjoy quiet time alone. Read that book you’ve been meaning to. Watch that “girly” movie. Write your thoughts and goals down in a journal. Spend time pampering yourself.
It’s a win-win situation
Once your guy’s time to himself is over, you will have used your alone time wisely and he will respect you more knowing that you are a strong female who cares about his well being as well as your own. Your relationship should improve from the experience. In the event he decides he no longer wants to be in a relationship, you will walk away with dignity with the right tools to move on.