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Grumpy Grandma: Mardi Gras Mayhem

Mar 14, 2017 12:08PM ● Published by Caitlin Marshall

Bonjour ma Cajun friends—it’s me again; opinionated columnist and general know-it-all Mrs. Nettie Mae Avec Domino.

The Spaceship Cowboy Strikes Again

Y’all… so there I was—downtown Lafayette, knee deep in the Mardi Gras festivities and having the time of my life, when all of a sudden—out of nowhere, I felt pain like I ain’t felt since giving birth to my 8th child… I must have blacked-out for a moment as I falled to the ground. Dazed and confused I started to open my eyes and tried to stand up. I turned to look at my friend Myra, and she started yelling… PEARL!!! PEARL!!! Still a bit shaky from the event, I’m thinking, “…what da hell is she sayin, Pearl died almost 3 years ago”. Then, she started again, PEARL!!! PEARL!!! I look up just in time to see a 3 pound bag of Mardi Gras Pearls headed straight for my head. I tried to move, but it was too late and for the second time in about 10 seconds, I took a headshot from da top of a super decker float from some space cowboy with no date and too many beads to unwrap so he’s throwing them by the bag full. Mon dieu cowboy, dat hurt. Luckily, I was wearing my Diana Ross wig. I think it softened da blow so I ain’t got no permanent brain damage. But I got your number cowboy and when you least expect it, expect it cuz ole Nettie Mae got a long memory!

Letters of the month:

Well, almost all of my letters this month were from peoples who obviously need help! Everybody was justa whining and complaining… I ain’t got no boy friend. I ain’t got no money. I ain’t got no friends. OR… My neighbor’s dog pooped in my yard. My momma wants me to watch my own kids. My husband thinks I’m lazy. My daughter won’t bring me to da Casino… Pauve ti bête.

Ok, y’all need help and advice from Ms Domino? Well here goes!

- Beulah, YOU ain’t got no boyfriend because you ain’t got no friends or a job!

- Hellen, YOU ain’t got no money because you can’t keep a job and YOU lazy!

- JoElla, YOU just plain mean, dats why you can’t get no ride to da casino!

- Selena, YOU got too many kids for your momma or anyone to watch!  

AND Belva, if dat damn dog don’t stop poopen in every bodies yard on Brentwood, somebody is gonna open up a jar of Cajun jihad on your doorstep… don’t think I’m kidden no!

Come on people, you gotta be nice to get nice!

Dats all for now, but if you need some advice, let me know.

Until next time, Au revoir y’all,

Nettie Mae


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